This month's 10 song playlist touches a lot of nerves. Heartache, freedom, fear, disco. Things slow down and get heavy towards the end, so get your dancing in during the first half.
"I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch
Even when I'm crying crazy"
-Lizzo, Truth Hurts
Thinking back, I recognize the pattern of create-destroy-create. I had no choice but to embrace the change. My grandma would always say "change is essential for growth", usually when discussing Vatican II.
The new year began and everything changed.
Alabama, my beloved 2001 Toyota Camry officially died and I was unable to give enough of a shit to revive her.
I could have let it rot in the street as a reminder of my neglect, but eventually took care of the things I had been avoiding.
I am single for the first time in nearly five years. The last time I was in this position, I was waking up at 5am, exercising every day, cooking for myself, and going days without talking to people. I think back to this life of routine and solitude fondly, probably because it's the exact opposite of what my life is right now.
I'm trying to sort out what I want to return to and what new person I want to become. I cannot be blamed for being anyone but myself, but that self can be whomever I want it to be. Simultaneously empowering and horrifying.
"I can't even lie, I've been lonely as fuck"
-Tyler, the Creator, 911/Mr. Lonely